02 When I think back on my time here I remember certain moments of great intensity. There was one very odd moment during my first year when I was reading a book called The Death of Tragedy by Nietzsche in a carol on the A level of the Regenstein. 回想我在芝大念書的時(shí)候，我記得有那么幾次,，我受到了頭暈?zāi)垦５臎_擊,。我大一時(shí)有一次就很奇怪，我在讀一本書,，書名是《悲劇的死亡》,，尼采寫的，在芝大雷根斯坦圖書館A層,。
I don’t know what it was: the driving semi insane power of Nietzsche thought, the overwrought and intoxicating nature of his prose, but somehow while reading that book reality seemed to slip its bounds. I lost all sense of where I was or who I was or how time was passing or whether it was passing at all. Hours flew by and I was just buried inside that book. 我也說不上怎么回事,。尼采思想的那種近乎癲狂的驅(qū)動(dòng)力，還有他那仿佛魔力一般能引起情緒起伏的散文,�,？傊x那本書的時(shí)候,，虛實(shí)之間的界限模糊了,。我全然分不清我在哪兒,，我是誰，感受不到時(shí)間的流逝,，覺得時(shí)間完全靜止,。幾個(gè)小時(shí)過去了，我仿佛鉆到那本書里,。
I was not so much reading it; I was immersed in the torrent of its prose and the fury of its ideas. I was just a sort of dissolved, lifted out of myself, transported, subsumed, and some sort of trance or a state of awed reverence or under a spell cast by a semi crazy long dead mind. 我感覺自己不是在讀它,，而是被裹在那散文的激流中，猛烈的思想沖刷著我,。感覺自己仿佛在溶解,，靈魂出了竅，前往別處,，被吸收了,。朦朦朧朧的，敬仰之情油然而生,，好似被一位早就死了的半瘋之人施了魔咒,。
There I was in a shabby carol on the basement level of the ugliest building on God’s green earth, and I was experiencing something close to transcendence. And when I awoke from that state I looked around startled and blinking, shocked to be re-entering the 20th century, and real life. 當(dāng)時(shí)在地下室，在那棟世界上最丑的樓里,，我體驗(yàn)了一把超驗(yàn)的感覺。當(dāng)我回過神的時(shí)候,，我懵懵地看著四周,，擠弄著眼睛，不敢相信自己還能回到20世紀(jì),，回到現(xiàn)實(shí),。
I never really became a Neitzsche fan, but it was exciting to know that the ideas of some dead genius, could transport me and give me a glimmer of a higher realm. There were other intensities during my time here. There was intense arguing with all my friends about bullshitty subjects at the dining hall hour upon hour. There were intense pseudointellectual debates with graduate students at Jimmys; There was the intensity of serious movie going at Doc Films; and most of all there was a certain intensity in class. 我從未成為尼采真正的粉絲，但振奮人心的是,，我知道這些逝去的天才依然能帶我一把,，去領(lǐng)略一下那更高的殿堂。我在芝大還體會(huì)過其他張力十足的時(shí)刻,。我和朋友們激烈地爭(zhēng)論過一些亂七八糟的話題,，在食堂里唧唧呱呱幾個(gè)小時(shí)。我和畢業(yè)生們裝作知識(shí)分子一樣在吉米酒吧那里爭(zhēng)論過,。這種時(shí)刻還出現(xiàn)在Doc 影院放映著嚴(yán)肅電影時(shí),。當(dāng)然，最激烈的還得算在課堂上,。
In those days it was pure Great Books for the first two years, and our professors didn’t just teach them, they proselytized them. Some of the old German refugees from World War II were still around then, and they held the belief, with a religious fervor, that the magic keys to the kingdom were in these books. The mysteries of life and how to live well were there for the seizing for those who read well and thought deeply. 那時(shí)候,，頭兩年都是存粹地讀一些偉大的書籍。而我們的那些教授們不僅僅是教這些書,，而是在試圖讓學(xué)生皈依,。老師中有一些德國(guó)的難民,，二戰(zhàn)中幸存后依然活著，他們懷著宗教般的熱烈,，相信通往極樂世界的魔法鑰匙就在這些書中,。生命的神秘以及美好生活的神性，就在這些書里,，等著那些熱愛閱讀,、思考深邃的人來發(fā)現(xiàn)。
There was a legendary professor named Karl Weintraub teaching Western Civ then. Years later, when he was nearing death he wrote to my classmate Carol Quillen about his experience teaching these books. 當(dāng)時(shí)有位堪稱傳奇的教授,，叫卡爾·溫特萊布（注：美國(guó)歷史學(xué)家,，自1954年起在芝大任教，同時(shí)指導(dǎo)社會(huì)理論,、文化歷史等人文學(xué)科方面的研究）教西方文明史,。好多年后，他快去世之前,，寫信給我的同學(xué)卡羅·奎林,，講述他教這些書的體驗(yàn)：
Teaching Western Civ, Weintraub wrote, “seems to confront me all too often with moments when I feel like screaming suddenly: ‘Oh, God, my dear student, why CANNOT you see that this matter is a real, real matter, often a matter of the very being, for the person, for the historical men and women you are looking at — or are supposed to be looking at!” 溫特萊布寫道：“教授西方文明史似乎經(jīng)常把我推到想要尖叫的地步：”噢，天哪,，這位同學(xué),，你怎么就不明白，這個(gè)問題真的,，真的很重要,，事關(guān)一個(gè)人之所是，這些你正在學(xué)習(xí)的歷史人物,，或者說你應(yīng)該要去學(xué)習(xí)的歷史人物,。
I hear the student’s answers and statements that sound like mere words, mere verbal formulations to me, but that do not have the sense of pain or joy or accomplishment or worry about them that they ought to have if they were TRULY informed by the live problems and situations of the human beings back there for whom these matters were real. 我所聽到的學(xué)生們的答案也好，陳述也好,，只是純粹的詞句,、空有語言的架子。沒有他們?cè)撚械男耐�,、喜悅,、成就感和�?dān)憂，如果他們打心底意識(shí)到這些人類所面對(duì)過的問題和境遇如何與生死休戚相關(guān)的話,，就能真切地感受當(dāng)時(shí)這些問題的重要,。
The way these disembodied words come forth can make me cry, and the failure of the speaker to probe for the open wounds and such behind the text makes me increasingly furious. “If I do not come to feel any of the love which Pericles feels for his city, how can I understand the Funeral Oration? If I cannot fathom anything of the power of the drive derived from thinking that he has a special mission, what can I understand of Socrates? ... 這些學(xué)生們抽象的討論，常常催我淚下,。而談?wù)撍娜艘菦]能去探尋這些歷史傷痕以及文字背后之事的話,，就會(huì)讓我非常憤怒�,！比绻椅茨荏w會(huì)到伯利克利（注：雅典黃金時(shí)期（希波戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)至伯羅奔尼撒戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)）具有重要影響的領(lǐng)導(dǎo)人,。他在希波戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)后的廢墟中重建雅典,，扶植文化藝術(shù)，現(xiàn)存的很多古希臘建筑都是在他的時(shí)代所建）對(duì)他所在之城的愛,，我又怎能理解那篇《葬禮演說辭》,？如果我沒有去探究蘇格拉底堅(jiān)信自己身負(fù)特殊使命的精神之源，我又如何理解他呢,？
How can one grasp anything about the problem of the Galatian community without sensing in one’s bones the problem of worrying about God’s acceptance? “Sometimes when I have spent an hour or more, pouring all my enthusiasm and sensitivities into an effort to tell these stories in the fullness in which I see and experience them, I feel drained and exhausted. I think it works on the student, but I do not really know.” 如果一個(gè)人壓根不擔(dān)心上帝接不接受你這一問題,，又怎么能理解加拉太人面臨的處境呢？有時(shí)候,，我花上一個(gè)多小時(shí),，拿出我全部的熱情和細(xì)膩向?qū)W生全面地講述我所體會(huì)到的一切，我感到自己被抽空了,，精疲力竭,。我覺得這對(duì)學(xué)生有用，但我并不確定,。
It is a tragedy of teaching that sometimes the professors pour more into the class than the students are able to receive. But in truth that intense teaching is more like planting. Those teachers like Weintraub were inserting seeds that would burst forth years or decades later when the realities of adult life called them forth. I hated Edmund Burke when I read him here but years later he exploded in my mind and has become one of the great guides of my life. I was blandly indifferent to Augustine when I encountered him, it was only later that I understood the power of his loves and his wrestling with his own soul, and the need to be careful about what you love, because you become what you love. 教學(xué)的一個(gè)悲劇就是,，有時(shí)候教授們?cè)谡n堂上傾注的遠(yuǎn)多于學(xué)生能吸收的。但實(shí)際上,，這種高強(qiáng)度的教學(xué)更像是在樹人,。像溫特萊布這樣的老師，是在播種,，等到幾年甚至幾十年后,，成年生活中的種種現(xiàn)實(shí)會(huì)澆灌這些種子，令其茁壯生長(zhǎng),。我在芝大讀埃德蒙·伯克時(shí)，我很反感他,。但多年后,，他又重回我的腦海，并成為了我生活中的一位重要向?qū)�,。我初讀奧古斯汀時(shí),，提不起什么興致，直到后來我才理解了他那愛與靈魂掙扎之中蘊(yùn)含的力量,，明白了要謹(jǐn)慎得對(duì)待我之所愛,，因?yàn)樗鼤?huì)成為我之所是。
Chicago gave me glimpses of the mountain ranges of human existences. It gave me a set of longings, higher longings than any I had had. In the first place, I longed to know how to see. Seeing reality seems like a straightforward thing. You just look out and see the world. But anybody who is around politics or many other arenas knows how many people see the world with a distorting mirror, how many see only what they want to see, or what they can see by the filtering light of their depression, fear, insecurity or narcissism. 芝大讓我領(lǐng)略了人類文明的崇山峻嶺,。它點(diǎn)燃了我內(nèi)心的諸多渴望,，我從未有過的更高層次的渴望。首先,，我渴望看見,�,？匆姮F(xiàn)實(shí)似乎是再明顯不過的一件事，只需要睜開眼,，就能看到這個(gè)世界,。但是關(guān)切政治討論以及其他領(lǐng)域的人都清楚，有太多人帶著扭曲的視角看世界,，有太多人只想看到他們想看到的,，或者，只能看到由他們壓抑,、恐懼,、不安全或是自戀的濾鏡處理過的世界。
Sometimes I think the whole disaster of the Trump presidency is because of a breakdown of intellectual virtue. A break down in America’s ability to face evidence clearly, to pay due respect to the concrete contours of reality. These intellectual virtues may seem elitist, but once a country tolerates dishonesty, incuriosity and intellectual laziness, then everything else falls apart. 有時(shí)候我覺得,，特朗普當(dāng)選總統(tǒng)的噩夢(mèng),，正反映了求知美德崩壞的現(xiàn)實(shí)。美國(guó)人實(shí)事求是的能力崩壞了,，沒有給事實(shí)的清晰輪廓以足夠尊重,。這些求知的美德或許顯得有些精英主義，但一旦一個(gè)國(guó)家開始容忍欺瞞,、無知,、懶于探索，那就必將禮崩樂壞,。
John Ruskin once wrote, “The more I think of it I find this conclusion more impressed upon me— that the greatest thing a human soul ever does is to see something, and tell what is saw in a plain way. Hundreds of people can talk for one who can think, but thousands can think for one who can see.” At Chicago, I encountered so many writers who could see so purely and carefully --Shakespeare, Hume, Socrates and George Eliot, George Orwell and Hannah Arendt. I met so many professors and students who could weigh evidence and who didn’t tolerate intellectual shabbiness. It aroused in me a desire to have that virtue—the ability to see clearly and face unpleasant facts. 約翰·拉斯金曾寫到：“我越是深入地思考,，我就越傾向于得出這個(gè)結(jié)論——人類所能做的最了不起之事就是，看到了什么,，便如實(shí)地說出來,。千百人口說不如一人思索，千萬人思索不如一人見過,�,！痹谥ゴ螅义忮嗽S許多多目光澄澈又細(xì)膩的作家：莎士比亞,、休謨,、蘇格拉底、喬治·艾略特,、喬治·奧威爾還有漢娜·阿倫特,。我見過許許多多注重實(shí)證、不容馬虎求知的教授和學(xué)生,。這讓我也渴望具備此種品質(zhì)——懂得觀看之道,，直面不快的現(xiàn)實(shí)。
03 Then there was the second yearning which is the yearning to be wise. I really couldn’t tell you then what wisdom consists of, and I still can’t give you a concrete definition. But we all know wisdom when we see it. There is a deep humanity, gentleness, and stability to a wise person. That person can perceive, with love and generosity, the foibles of another heart. That person can grasp the nub of any situation, see around corners and has developed an intuitive awareness of what will go together and what will never go together. 第二種渴望，就是對(duì)智慧的渴望,。我無法告訴你智慧由什么構(gòu)成,，也說不上智慧的準(zhǔn)確定義。但我們見到智慧時(shí),，我們都會(huì)認(rèn)出它來,。根植于心的人性、風(fēng)度和穩(wěn)重就體現(xiàn)在智者的身上,。他能透過愛與包容去審視別人的缺陷,；他能直指任何問題的核心；環(huán)顧四野,，便可洞見凝聚之力與不可強(qiáng)求之事,。
That wisdom, I imagine, comes from paying deep and loving attention to the people around you. It comes from many hours of solitary reflection. It comes from reading of the greats. It comes from getting out of your own century, thinking outside of your assumptions and embarking on a great lifelong journey toward understanding. That sort of humane wisdom was admired here. We wouldn’t have told each other this, because it would be too pretentious, but all those bullshitty dinner table conversations and bar stool conversations about the great ideas were attempts to put together the building blocks of that kind of wisdom. They were attempts to put ourselves together so we could be of use. They were attempts to imitate penetrating insight of Hume, the smile of Voltaire, and the gentle guidance of a dozen professors whose names you may know or may not know, some living Nathan Tarcov, Josef Stern; some of my old professors who are now dead. 在我看來，要具備這種智慧,，我們需真情實(shí)意地關(guān)懷身邊的人,，需要時(shí)常在獨(dú)處中自我反省，需要閱讀偉大的作品,；需要我們跳出所置身的時(shí)代,，跳出自己現(xiàn)有的成見，動(dòng)身踏上求取理解的終身之旅,。芝大推崇這種閃耀人性光芒的智慧,。我們用不著奔走相告，因?yàn)槟菢犹^刻意,。但我經(jīng)歷的那些食堂扯談和酒吧論戰(zhàn),，都是在嘗試將這種智慧的零件組裝在一起。我們?cè)囍茉煳覀冏约�,，從而成為有用之人,。我們�(cè)囍裥葜兡菢痈挥卸匆姡穹鼱柼┠菢游⑿�,、像許許多多的教授那樣誨爾諄諄,，你們也許知道或不知道的名字,，在世的有內(nèi)森·塔可夫、約瑟夫·斯坦恩,，還有的老教授,，已別離人世。
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發(fā)表于 2018-5-8 10:55
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